REFLECTIONS FROM BBT's BOOK, HOLY ENVY

“Across all our differences, we come into the world more or less the same way, through the body of another human being. We breathe the same air and depend on the same earth for our sustenance. We all weep salty tears and bleed red blood. Though we find different things funny, we laugh (and sneeze) in amusing ways. Up to a certain age we are so curious about each other that someone has to teach us to fear each other. None of us is born with a belief system or a worldview. We acquire those from our elders, along with our DNA. This does not diminish the importance of our religion, but it does establish a certain priority. What we have most in common is not our religion but our humanity, which is recognizable across class, continent, and color – unless someone goes to a great pains to blind us to one another.” (p.76)

MY MUSINGS: BETTER TO USE "RESPONSES" INSTEAD OF "ANSWERS"

During one of my meetings with a group of Adults a few days ago, I discussed a topic on “Spirituality and Gratitude”. Towards the end of the meeting, I handed out a Gratitude worksheet that has these questions:

1. Write down a gratitude ritual you do now.

2. Write down an everyday privilege (blessing) you've noticed that you used to take for granted. 

3. Name someone you're grateful to have in your life and why.

4. Describe a way you've thanked someone or intend to thank someone.

Some of the participants volunteered to share what they put down and were very meaningful and helpful to all of us. After I dismissed the class, one of them said, "I never thought I will have something to thank you for because when they invited me for "Spirituality Group", I thought it's going to be just one of that religious stuff. But I enjoyed attending this meeting and I just wanted to say Thank You!" I appreciated him and everyone for participating.

As if that was it, then comes a learning moment for me: After everyone had left, he was still in the room. As I was about to step out, he said to me again, "I really want you to know that I appreciate the discussion on gratitude again. Just a suggestion for you," he continues, "I teach Creative Writing in one of the universities here in the State." Wow, I never knew a college professor was part of my audience thankfully. "When you were asking for volunteers to read what we put down for the gratitude worksheet questions, you said, 'who is willing to share his or her 'answers' with us?' Next time, it is better to use the word 'responses' instead of 'answers'. When you ask people for 'answers' in a meeting like that, it often suggests there are 'correct ones' and you are only interested in hearing those who are 'correct'. Something tells some people, 'i better not share mine because it might not be the correct 'answer'". He graciously explained. "Responses are personal and easy to respond to but answers are specific. You see whenever my students give me a wrong answer to a question, I don't tell them they are 'wrong' but use an expression like, 'you answer this incorrectly' and teach them how to answer correctly." He concluded.

I expressed my gratitude to him for his kind feedback about the class but much more for teaching me how to better communicate. I know English is not my major or first language but guess what, effective communication is a life-long art we all have to continue to master with all humility. I hope that helps someone. I can't wait to teach that class to another group of people!